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How to Stop Being a People Pleaser?

Do you often feel like your life is not genuinely yours? Do you think you've lost touch with who you indeed are? You might feel you are often unaware of your emotions and don't know what you like and don't.

You've disconnected from your being by trying to make everyone happy and doing things that are expected of you rather than what truly aligns with you. These effects could be symptoms of people-pleasing.

Moreover, a people-pleaser personality can birth to issues ranging from stress, anxiety, and anger to frustration, exhaustion, and a weakened will. In this blog, I'll talk about what is a people pleaser, how to shun its manifestation, and, in turn, elude its detrimental consequences.

how to stop being a people pleaser

How to Identify a People-Pleaser Personality?

There is no doubt that people-pleasing, in the long run, can be damaging to your mental well-being. The first step on how to not be a people pleaser is to identify a people pleaser personality for what it is.

A person with a people-pleaser personality might exhibit the following behavioral patterns:

  • Have trouble declining a demand

  • Have difficulty asking for the bare minimum

  • Expressing a dissimilar view is a challenge

  • Regularly overcommit to people and plans

  • Have no time to tend to themselves or their needs

  • Often feel being taken advantage of

  • Constantly anxious when others are displeased

  • Have a bottomless need for external validation

  • Habitually apologize even upon making no evident mistake

  • Derive self-worth from "giving" or "people pleasing"

  • Avoid confrontation or conflict at all costs

  • Lack boundaries

After recognizing a people-pleaser personality, you can move toward the puzzling question of how to stop being a people-pleaser.

Ways on How to Stop Being a People Pleaser?

Now that we know what is a people pleaser, I'll discuss some crucial methods on how to stop being a people pleaser:

what is a people pleaser

1. Delaying an Answer

An amazingly helpful technique on how to stop being a people pleaser is postponing answering to the demands made to you. Whenever you are demanded to do something, if you are a people-pleaser, you can feel the urge to jump right in and say yes to people-please without actually thinking through the whole thing. This can cause your schedule to be replete with obligations you struggle to fulfill.

Therefore, as soon as you encounter a request, take your time to think it through. Only respond by considering the pros and cons. By evaluating the request carefully, you can prevent agreeing to things you cannot handle or do not honestly want to do. Stalling a response is thus a great way to avoid going with things that don't align with you.

2. Establishing Boundaries

Setting up firm boundaries is another route on how to stop being a people pleaser. Learning to say no enables you to avert succumbing to the wishes of others that you cannot fulfill. If you are deep into people-pleasing, you might need to realize what you are doing out of a need to people please.

Thus, to eradicate all the nonsensical and meaningless things eating away your time and energy, you must prepare a list of them and gradually eliminate going down with them.

Remember to recall when you feel used or taken advantage of. Is it when you take on your friend's homework when he requests it?

Write down each such thing in a hierarchy and shut it out, one by one, starting with the last item in the list. Do it until the page becomes blank! When it comes to how to stop being a people pleaser, the institution of strict boundaries matters!

3. Practicing Assertiveness

When establishing boundaries, you might be drawn towards presenting fabricated explanations while saying no to a request. Try being straightforward while doing so. Refrain from using excuses to come to your rescue.

With each refusal, strive to communicate the valid reason with all honesty. If you cannot help someone because the demand is not your cup of tea, say so with all sincerity.

Feelings of guilt might follow in a people-pleaser personality. Here, you need to tell yourself that you are "obliged" not every time to offer a helping hand. Practicing assertiveness is a major tip on how to stop being a people pleaser.

4. Ceasing Apologetic Speech

Swerving away from being apologetic for almost everything is a pivotal tip on how to stop being a people pleaser. As humans, we all commit mistakes. It is integral to forgive ourselves for them. It is not the end of the world, and no, you are not the shittiest person on earth! A people pleaser's speech is marked by constant apologies for the tiniest things.

A people-pleaser personality might even apologize for something that isn't their fault. Moreover, even if it is, apologizing once is it! Therefore, starting now, stop being sorry for mistakes you did not make and over apologetic for those you made! With consistent practice, the apologetic speech should hopefully cease!

5. Renouncing Responsibility for People's Reactions

While being concerned about hurting others to some extent is alright, being pathologically bothered is where you must draw the line. Realize that you are responsible only for your actions and speech, not for somebody else's reaction. How other people interpret your conduct is more about them than about you. Moreover, it is not something that you can possibly control.

People come from their own experiences and can make a mountain out of a molehill. You are not answerable if your intent is not to cause anybody's dismay. You need to stop being obsessed with how people view your behavior! Thus, renouncing responsibility for people's reactions is an essential tip on how to stop being a people pleaser.

how to not be a people pleaser

In a Nutshell

In the above blog, I've outlined all the necessary tips on how to stop being a people pleaser. When pondering upon how to not be a people pleaser, we must first know what is a people pleaser.

Subsequently, we can move ahead in our journey, discovering and implementing techniques, all of which have been covered in the write-up. Therefore, employing the mentioned methods, we can efficiently work on how to not be a people pleaser.

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